Broken

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 Thanks man blt, man of the brave and free. haha glad that you’re still around man. Anw as promised, proper update at 15 min till lights out.

They just told me the other day that I could create a nickname/callsign to stick on my LBV. And my first choice was broken, another word with kenas a suffix obviously. It occured to me though, that besides the fact that it’s kinda hard to go “01 this is broken matrix message over” and stuff like that, i don’t really have affinity with that handle after all. Or long to.

You get broken down in OCS. Like the meat grinders in Somme and Verdun. Your ego gets crushed,  your pride gets stuffed like a bird and you sleep each night in the warm arms of fatigue and aches. I can’t blog about the training we do per se for obvious reasons, but I’ve never appreciated being able lie down on a mattress and drift off OTOT to quiet rest, till now.

It’s not so bad la. I’ve already gone through a month and some, what’s 8 more? And even though I’ve got a 12 day Field Camp back in Tekong to look forward to in May, as well as more outfield in the weeks to come, the desire to look back upon these experiences and say ‘I did it man, I endured’ is pretty palatable right now. Which is why I’m beginning to lean towards a vocation in the Infantry, so I can get my CSB and complete the omgthisismadness! Jungle Confidence Course.

There’s a little laminated piece of paper on back of the toilet door of Cubicle No.1, Tango Wing Platoon 1 Toilet. Inscribed on it is something like “Don’t judge a day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.” And as I go about doing my daily business in said cubicle the quote has slowly pun not intended ingrained itself in my mind. I look back on my time in BMT, in school etc and I think bout how many times I got discouraged by the lack of tangible results and what not, and then I realize that I’ve come a pretty damn long way..  And somehow that gives me, and my sleepless hollow eyes a little bit of solace and assurance for the rest of the journey here.

I don’t really have time to msg, or keep an sms conversation’s fire going beyond a few crackles and sparks. In fact the last time I had an sms marathon or sth like that was probably more than a year ago. Anyhow I only have time to reply like just before lights out, or just after, depending on my bravery for the day. But the wonderful thing is that when I wake up at like 5, and check my phone before I rush out to morning PT and what not, I almost always see the same “One Message Recieved”, and that comforts me to no end.. Really.

Guys, and especially Girls, love the people in the army. Please. They need it more than showers sometimes.

I’ve made some terribly good friends here in OCS including a national footballer, a national hockey player that looks like a Cambodian national, a dude with a degree from the states and an attitude to boot,a smatter of Rj guys and a hci squasher with the voice of heaven itself.  It’s a pretty competitive and very jc-like environment in here, but slowly I think everyone’s learning to work with each other, coz if we don’t we’re probably gonna get murdered during section/platoon live firing. bleahz.

Anyhow it’s lights out now once again, and I’m happy to be able to blog again. I think it’s incredibly hard to stop writing, because everything sorta builds up inside you and threatens to explode if you dont do something bout it. So yay. and i’ll update again soon enough.

 

bye.

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