Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale they say. He was made of snow but the children know how he came to life one day.
Child-like wonder is underrated. It shakes up your soul and lights a tiny candle within you, warming places that are cold and taste of copper. That’s why Santa only comes once a year. He has to preserve the sanctity of Christmas morning, where millions of children around the world wake up from a night of fitful, restless sleep to a dawn of eagerness, excitement and shards of glossy wrapping paper under a Tannenbaum.
The thing is I don’t know where’s my sense of wonder any more….
Perhaps I’m just jaded, unfazed and stoic after two years of having to live according to rubrics and not really filled with a zest for life being on the brink of another two years of regiment. Or maybe I’ve grown up,the flame of the candle flickering and diminishing further with every gust of a Tekong bound wind and I can’t be lost in wonder and merriment no more.
Ever since the exams ended, I’ve subconciously tried to distance myself from proactivity, enterprise, reflection and early sleeping hours. I wanted to smell liberty. To be on top of the world, carefree and for the first time in a long while, be unworried. I spent hours on Facebook, slacked off, came home in the wee hours of the morning and basically attempted to be as uninhibited, unadulterated and motley as I was inhibited, suppressed and un-motley in IB. I’ve been ignoring this site as well, to my chagrin because typing for extended periods of time, much less thinking before typing bears too striking a resemblance to well, things that go bump in the night.
But sleeping till 2pm has not rendered me as wide-eyed as I wish it would have (it’s kinda blurry), and the thrill, sadly is gone. Which means there’s really no such thing as freedom in all it’s entirety and we have to move on. I’m not saying that post IB life is not as fun as I expected. It’s just that I haven’t felt like Christmas morning for so so long. And that scares me, because I wanna take something away from all this. It’s quite hard to place or accurately define, but I want to be awed again. I want to be amazed, delighted and happy. To feel like a child again.
I want to take something away from all this. Something to hold on to when I’m staring at the stars with my rifle. Something to keep me warm when the nights are cold and the days are dark.
Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day. So he said let’s run and we’ll have some fun now before I melt away.
