Thought of many things to write about last night and I’ll post up some today after I go prepare for Friday’s business paper two. The prelims have been alright, on a side note. Nothing really awesome, due to my revision taking off properly only during the September holidays because the post WL/ IOC euphoria made my eyes misty, but nothing really disastrous as well. A little bit of oiling, tweaking and polishing in the coming month and it should be fine. *nervous laughter*.
I honestly don’t know what I’m capable of. My confidence in my academic ability has rollercoasted the past two years, epitomized in my hopping between Dean’s List and Con Camp last year and looking back, that’s really really gay. Flashes of academic success and insight come to me sporadically, and I have enough faith that somehow by God’s grace I’ll yank something out of the bag come November. But It’s just that I’m afraid that deep down, I’m mediocre, or that my lack of motivation to study and thinking in contrast to the propensity to think about studying will cause me dear.
I remember it was either term 3 of Secondary Three or term 2 of Secondary 4, where I recieved in my Term Report a teacher’s comment which I believe is the most perceptive and accurate assessment of my academic endeavours throught these 12 years. He said something along the lines of “Kenneth displays brilliance when inclined. Unfortunately he is not very often inclined.” Sounds harsh, but I concur. On another note the disinclinations so percieved, I admit mainly stemmed from the subject being taught. If anything I regret not being as teachable, interested and enthusiastic as I’d have been in a humanities course for instance, and for not giving him as much as he has given the class and the school but I guess that just proves the validity of the judgement eh.
I have never forgotten that comment in my Term Report. I don’t know whether it’s a case of the spirit willing but the flesh weak, or the lack of willpower on my part, but some day I’ve got to live up to expectations, and learn to expect more from myself as well. And I’d like to thank that teacher, who has been a constant source of inspiration, a role model and a guide to me till now, even if there wasn’t much chemistry in the classroom during those disinclined days.
